it's not a diet.

back to counting ww points, and this time (as always, but not really) i mean it for real.

for many people, weighing what i currently weigh would be a wake-up call. no, i should rephrase that. if they suddenly woke up one day and weighed what i weigh, it would be a moment of all-out anxious panic. when a friend told me she was nearing the 25o mark this week, all i could think about was that it isn't so hard to get there, really. people gasp at numbers, and can't imagine how a person could become, say, 800 pounds. well, i'll tell you right now, it's really easy to get to 200, so i can only imagine how simple it is to pack on 600 more.

basically what i'm saying is that my "wake-up call" was not so much the thought that i don't want to end up like my friend, but the thought that there are people out there who don't want to end up like me.

and this is not to say i feel bad for myself, or feel like some kind of victim of culture. i just feel i need to get real with a number of things: goals, performance, and persistence. in the joyous nature of turning over a new leaf, i now present you with the following information:

1. this blog is about to be taken over by my food and exercise habits.
2. i might even occasionally talk about my clothes.

in addition, i'm going to lay it all out right now, my hopes for myself and some realistic goals.

1. My first goal is to lose ten percent of my body weight. That's about 20 pounds.
2. My second goal is to stop comparing myself to everyone else (fatter and thinner alike). It's not helpful. Everyone is different.
3. My third goal is to make positive decisions every day. It could be the decision to spend five more minutes on the treadmill, or it could be the decision to start sewing a new project.
4. My fourth, and for now final, goal is to stop judging myself when I make choices that might not be the wisest. There's no need to constantly feel guilty, bad, upset, disgusting, or what have you when I see the size of my pants, or when I choose to eat a cookie, or when I see pictures of myself. It is what it is. I'll be a lot happier if I can just take all that as motivation, instead of as more reasons to hate myself.

That's all.

Exercise today: 30 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes weight-train.
Points: 19.5, 7.5 left.